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One Night with Dave Wallace Your chance to select the girl he should date Young Springbok Dave Wallace hasn't had the best of luck with girls in recent months, so he's gratefully taken up our offer to select a young lady he should date. The fact that he described all females as 'bitches' probably hasn't helped his cause, but let's just put that down to heartache. After all, the bit of college totty Dave was dating, did go away with another guy for a week and then dumped him when he found out. We are also assuming, that by the time voting gets underway, his current girlfriend, Laura, will also have dumped him. We will soon have a list of contenders from Dave's college, but if you know of anyone who might like the chance to date him, then e-mail us a photograph and some details. By the way, if you think this article is unduly sexist, you're probably right.	Dave Wallace
One Night with Dave Wallace: Nominations
Nomination 1 seconded by R. Bowater
Nomination 2 proposed by Andy Ellis “Here is someone who could be interested in Dave…. Nice and cuddly won't mind being called a bitch, and has the accent to understand him”
Nomination 3 proposed by John Beal Jnr "Got chatting to this lady down the Cromwell and told her about Dave Wallace....She said she used to ride horses but had never ridden a springbok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Far be it for us to pass comment, though we have to call into question the amount of beer John consumed at the Cromwell, and the nature of the relationship between Andy and his nomination. If you have any information regarding these matters, please don't hesitate to e-mail us at the usual address. As stated on numerous occasions, we have no problem posting filth, unadulterated rubbish or unfounded scandal (in fact, we think we're quite good at it).
Nomination 4 proposed by Charlie Doel "Was chatting to this lady out in town one night, and she was desperate for a young gentleman she could fly away with and make super babies. I feel Dave could just be the person she is after! Though what the F stood for she never told me. Could let Dave work that one out!"
Dear, oh dear, this going from bad to worse. How do Spye Park players manage to meet all these weird people?...you had better not e-mail us on that one. So far we have one nymphomaniac, an old hag from the Cromwell, and something resembling a baboon that we have been reliably informed is related to Andy (though no confirmation its his identical twin sister.) But WHERE are the nominations from Devizes College? So far we've heard NOTHING from Mr. Wallace, which makes us wonder if  he's been telling us yet more porkies?.

Nomination 5 proposed by Simon Ellis "This lady appears to work at devizes so its close to you Dave. She enjoys playing on computers and helping the young achieve their goal. She also likes a good high protein diet from all her let downs. Hope she don't find out or I'm next."
Dumped Again! As we predicted Dave Wallace has been dumped by fellow student, Laura. Dave claims it was because "they had nothing in common."  This has had some verification from another Devizes College student, who wishes to remain anonymous: "Yeah, its true they had a lot of differences...when she asked if he'd like to do doggy, he looked very confused and shouted... woof! woof!  But the real reason, was that Laura saw the letter from Helga on the website and got very jealous. Apparently, Dave hadn't managed to find her gaps."